I took this photo yesterday while I was at Poncho at the Arboretum, the place I go most often to remember my dad's spirit. The sun was shining through the leaves and there were a few crew boats practicing on the water and yes yes some unnamable part of him was completely there.
I had hit a moment of immense vulnerability earlier in the day. It started as clothes not fitting right and then very quickly gulfed into tender hearted sadness. It was strong but also exquisite in that I really let myself surrender to everything.
And then so much LIFE came through to fill my broken heartedness, first at the homeless program where I go on Wednesdays (do I serve or am I served?) and then in beautiful mama nature and finally truth-telling and candlelit vespers service at All Soul's with my sister friends.
I really really want to stress that for me, vulnerability is not something I want to get over. I tried to do that for years and it cuts me off from myself and in my relationships and with our big beautiful world.
Instead I'm embracing it as my path--a shaky but true one--because I don't want to be fixed, cut off or hardened. I'm willing to suffer a bit to stay open to the true beauty of LIFE and I'm willing to hold space for others who want to walk together.
Healing is within each of us and its constant--we just need to lay down our arms and place our hands over our hearts and listen, listen, listen.