From Guilt to Greatness - Week #3: Breaking Down Competition and Jealousy

Hello dears!

I’m feeling more energy than I have in a while.  The sun is shining bright in Washington, DC, Poncho is curled up on his favorite chair, and it seems like the United States is about to burst from the tension of this upcoming election.

It feels hard to know which way is up right now!

More than ever, self-care feels like the answer.  To ground and stabilize, I have to be able to say “enough is enough.”  

The craziness around me may never change.   However, I can help myself.  I can turn off the news, drink a cup of tea and treat myself to a full night’s sleep.  Tomorrow I can start over with good intention in my heart.

It takes courage to live this way, and we need a path to tap into the inner greatness that helps us keep going.

This fall, I am offering that path to this self-care community.  We are halfway through our fall podcast series: From Guilt to Greatness: Transforming Your Inner Control Freak into a True Goddess.

The first week I spoke with Caroline about Why We Cling to Control, and we made an exciting breakthrough about how we use our sexuality as women.  Listen here!

Last week, Lindsey and I dove deep into Creative Living for Self-Saboteurs and Scaredy Cats and figured out why we habitually block our creativity.

This week I brought on Mark (future male coach for Self Care 101 for men -- watch out for more information soon) to help me wade through the topic of Breaking Down Competition and Jealousy. 

Listen to the podcast here and find out what to do with the nagging feeling of jealousy for other’s success.

This podcast is very personal to me, because I struggled for so long feeling jealous of my friend’s achievements.  I have amazing friends, so I was jealous a lot.

Sure, on the outside, I would smile and congratulate my friends when they told me about the awesome things happening in their lives.  However, on the inside, I would feel cringe-y and small.  Then I would judge myself for not being genuinely happy for them.

Ugggghhh, it would feel SO bad.   Some days I couldn’t even look at social media because I would get so jealous and full of FOMO (fear of missing out).   I felt like I was the only one who could stoop to such depths of insecurity.

I’m so grateful that I basically don’t feel that way anymore.  When my friends tell me that they are doing well, I get inspired to keep going, and curious about what the success experience feels like for them (because I’ve come to realize that success is a very nuanced feeling).

So how did I change that?

Well, first I had to get in touch with my own drive.  When I felt jealous, it was because I knew there were plenty of talents inside of me I wasn’t utilizing because I didn’t feel like I was good enough to share them.

Once I began taking better care of myself, I got grounded enough to make a plan. Then I had to start putting these talents out there in the world (creativity!) and risk being judged (fear!).  

Little by little, this has gotten easier, but I would never call it easy.  I’m at my creative edge most days, which feels exciting and scary all at once.  The path isn’t clear but I have faith in myself and am supported by wonderful people.  

Now that I’ve stepped so fully into this work and feel like I am a success (this is more of a feeling of being in alignment with my talents rather than any outward accolades), I am so grateful to my friends for never compromising themselves to make me feel more comfortable. Rather, they waited until I rose to meet them.

We need people around us to shine a light and help us remember our greatness.  Now it’s my turn.  It’s my commitment that I will never hide my light in order to make anyone else feel better.  If that means being great, I will be as great as I can be.  

The secret is that you are great, too.  We are all great in different ways.  I can’t steal your dream from you.  It’s impossible.

Actually, our dreams most likely work better in tandem.  This is why working in collaboration is such an amazing creative process.  If we can learn to work with conflict, including reframing jealousy as inspiration rather than competition, we can do so many wonderful and healing things together.

I didn’t truly find relief from my jealousy until I realized it stemmed from a healthy place.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want my friends to succeed, I just wanted to feel successful, too.

If you suffer from awful jealous feelings, my guess is that you also want to be a success.  This is a very healthy thing.

You success is waiting for you.  But you have to take off the shield of your guilt and take a step forward into greatness.  You have to face your fear and get support.  You 100% have to learn to take care of yourself in a whole new way.

Could I help you with this?  Each season I offer Self Care 101, a 10 week habit-change program that has been called “life-changing” by many of the women who have gone through it.

“I was drawn to working with Gracy because years of ‘trying to fix’ myself had never really seemed to yield deep and sustainable results. I would feel better for a short while, and then fall back into the same destructive patterns. I first expected to learn improved eating habits, a daily routine that would keep me feeling refreshed, and more about the philosophy underlying yoga, but I have gained so much more. Yes, I certainly now am equipped with an arsenal of knowledge about how to eat, rest, play, and exercise that makes me feel more focused at work and has translated to better skin, happier days, and less sleepless nights. But I have so much more. I have a sustained daily practice that nourishes my body and soul; I have deepened my relationships with friends and family, and made new ones along the way; I have gotten to know myself and am more empowered to pursue my dreams.” -- Sarina A, Self Care 101, Fall 2015

I’m over half full for my winter session (starting on December 4th) and would love to talk to you soon if you are interested in learning more.  Please fill out this application and sign up for a free 30-minute phone consultation with me.  We can decide together if it’s a good fit.

Also please let me know how this fall series is resonating with you.  I appreciate all of your feedback and would be happy to answer any questions in the upcoming podcasts.

Make sure to check in next week as we move closer to our inner goddess nature by challenging our intense fear of rejection.  Facing this fear will help us all relax.  Once we relax, we will begin using our voice and our creativity in a whole new way.  

We need our powerful voices now more than ever.  Joining together, they can create an irresistible song of hope.  Not only is this song an much-need alternative to the noise we are all trying to escape, it also makes a very sweet sound -- like the magic of who we are and what we will become dancing together for a moment.