I’m just back from an incredibly heart-opening week in Salt Lake City. Along with a lot of other amazing people, I completed the final intensive and received my Integral Facilitator Certification. Woo-hoo, I passed!
Yet the truth is I could care less about my certificate. The true measure of the program’s success is the amount of love and hope I feel in my heart right now. I earned it by daring to be my whole messy self within our powerful group energy.
As much as I speak of the utter importance of vulnerability, it’s still hard for me to practice. One morning last week, right before I knew I had to share some deep wounds within me, I was literally shaking with fear. I felt so much shame about what I was about to say, yet knew I had to tell the truth or else I would suffocate underneath the weight of my emotions.
When I said it outloud, I was met with such fierce compassion that it fundamentally changed me. Instead of receiving judgment, I was praised for my strength. It shifted how I saw myself, and my life will never be the same.
The only way I can say thank you for such a rich experience is to share what I’ve learned. My desire is to create more fiercely loving tribes in order for people to engage in a deeper experience of love. Simply, it’s the best use of my life energy that I can see right now.
It’s with this within me that I am so happy to announce that this month I’m offering a very special exploration of what blocks us from our love. Over the next four weeks we will journey together to understand the power of our repressed energies, as well as how to move through them into a deeper connection to our hearts.
This series is called, “Liberate Your Love: The Path to Setting Better Boundaries, Understanding Your Anger and Discovering True Self Care.”
Throughout June I will share my best understanding of Ayurvedic practices, Integral Theory, reading the Tarot and my devotion to Beyonce’s “Lemonade.” We will explore why we numb ourselves and how to break through dissociative patterning to once again live fully in our lives.
In it, I speak about the dangers of vata imbalance, which means living in the stress response and believing there is no other way to exist. We forget that we are allowed to slow down, say “no” when we are overwhelmed, and to ask for support. We make our outsides look perfect, yet inside we are suffering.
Vata imbalance is caused by any kind of trauma--most often in our early years of life. During these tender formative years, we can learn to self-protect by pretending to be perfect. The result is that we isolate, feel lonely and become our own worst critic.
Living in vata imbalance is a tough road. It means cutting yourself off from your powerful life energy. It means trying to fix everyone else, but not really looking at yourself. It means believing the lie that if you were just a little more perfect, then you would finally be allowed to be happy. It means feeling like you’re more of an object than an actual human being
Beyonce’s ground-breaking visual album “Lemonade” models this journey from dissociation into real love as she artfully tackles the incredibly tough question of infidelity. This is why I am going to talk about it a lot this month. (If you haven’t already watched it, buy her album, which contains a free download of the movie).
Notice how the first scenes are of her lamenting being alone in windy fields, surrounded by crumbling buildings. There’s a real sadness as she begins to explore the broken reality of her relationship and her desire to wake up to the truth of herself as a woman.
Her lyric, “my lonely ear / pressed up against the walls of your world” really gets me. I’ve spent way too long lonely, wanting something I can’t have. I can’t even count the hours I’ve spent obsessing over hurtful relationships, worrying if I’ve gained weight, and engaging in overwork in an effort to not feel the truth within me.
During those times, I’ve so desperately wanted a deeper taste of life, yet was so afraid. I didn’t want to look underneath the habitual numbing to feel my deeper emotions of anger and grief. As a result, I’ve spent many years stuck in a scarcity mentality and denying my deeper purpose for being here--to love with a full, beautiful heart.
Can you relate? Do you feel relieved that you’re not the only one? Are you ready for a different way of life?
My hope is that if enough of us consciously engage in this inquiry of how to Liberate Our Love, we can make a collective breakthrough. This is my intention, and I totally believe it’s possible.
So let’s start right now. Please go to the Beautiful Life Self Care Facebook page and leave a response to my question about the ways you numb yourself from your own life. As we tell the truth and support each other, we can take the shame away from our experiences and realize that we are not alone in our fear. Once we have that support, anything is possible.
Next week I will share the only way I’ve found to truly break through habitual numbing--ANGER!! Yes, you are reading that correctly. Take a deep breath, because we are going into our fiery depths.
You might be asking how something as destructive as anger could ever help us reconnect to love. Next week, I will help you understand why we can’t enjoy our lives without anger. I’ll also share my own anger breakthroughs and give you a step-by-step way to work with this powerful energy
Thank you for your willingness to show up, bravely look inside and sensuously reclaim the life that you most want to live. Thank you for your love. It all feeds my own heart immensely.