A few thoughts on guilt (and motherhood)

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I admit that guilt is a feeling I've experienced often in my life. 

I want everyone to be happy (and to be more honest, I want to escape conflict). This is impossible but some part of me still magically expects that I could and thus I feel guilty when I can't show up perfectly. 

After working with so many clients, I know I'm not alone. We are letting guilt rule our lives! Becoming a mother has intensified all this. 

This little guy needs me so often. I am his food source and even when he's not hungry, my boobs are still the place he turns for comfort (this is called non-nutritive sucking and no, he will not accept a pacifier so far). Sometimes I just can't anymore and I feel so guilty to hear him cry. 

I realized that I was putting more pressure on myself to let go of guilt. My idealized self always feels confident and is taking motherhood in stride.

My real self is riding the ups and downs, can sometimes see through guilt and sometimes feels like she's drowning in it. 

Somehow accepting this truth and taking perfect off the table makes it all easier. With this, I'll keep going, thriving one moment and struggling the next. 

Mostly I'll realize that I'm not alone in being a real deal human being who keeps learning a whole lot about life.