Grateful for Loneliness


Baby carrying is essential! After weeks of healing from the birth, I notice myself getting more itchy to be outdoors. Jonah’s nervous system is also stronger and he seems like to like being out too (he’s so curious!).

Another layer is that so far, this moment of motherhood is kind of lonely. Although he has wrangled his paternity leave to have four day weekends until the end of the year, the days that Micah is back at work are hard. Jonah needs quiet to nap but too much laying in bed makes me feel off and disconnected from the world.

It’s funny, when I was single and having my lonely moments, I assumed motherhood would be the escape from any inkling of isolation. I’d say half of the time that’s true - there’s just so much contact in motherhood - and the other half I feel real separation. This is about the split I’ve felt my whole life (perhaps we all do?). Why would this phase feel any different?

What I know now is that it’s futile to escape lonely feelings. They are built into the human experience and I think have real value. When I stop desperately trying to escape them and instead meet them with awareness, they really do soften my heart. I so need this genuine compassion to navigate motherhood, so yeah I’ll say I’m grateful for loneliness too.