Oh our sweet little guy has such a case of baby acne! Apparently 40% of infants get it, it's painless for them and it goes away by around week six. So no biggie but it has been interesting to watch my reactions around the less-than-perfect parts of motherhood.
Jonah is fussier this week than in his first two. He wants to eat all the time (and he can because my milk supply is strong because he wants to eat all the time. Breastfeeding = the original supply and demand). However, he gets super gassy and fussy after most feedings right now which means lots of screaming crying, which is hard to watch when I can't do anything to stop it.
At first I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to love all parts of this newborn process. The other night I hit a wall and realized that just because I love him doesn't mean I have to even like getting up at all hours of the night, the crying fits, the leaking breasts and all the other unglamorous parts of motherhood. It felt like a relief to admit the truth and dealing with those things actually got a little easier.
I realized how many perfectionist sinkholes will be on this parenting path. I feel grateful that I know myself well enough to understand when I'm falling into one (it's usually when I'm getting uptight, judgmental, and catastrophizing everything).
When I do, all I can do is pull myself out. I do this by admitting I am struggling to someone I trust (usually Micah in these moments). Then I get to re enter. I take a deep breath, cuddle the beautiful babe and get back to work doing the best I can.