I suppose the biggest news is that Jonah started part-time daycare last week! He goes three days a week and seems to enjoy it, as he seems to enjoy most social things.
I cried the first day we dropped him off but since then it’s gotten better. Now, when Micah takes him on his way to work, I breathe a sigh of relief. I feel very proud that we helped him get strong enough to be without us for a while.
And then I have to focus on myself, which feels more complicated. You see, I’ve spent the past years following a fairly set weekly routine. This routine made sure I met my personal, professional and relational self-care needs each week. Once it was set, I didn’t have to think much about self-care. I just followed the routine and everything seemed to work.
Moving in with Micah and having Jonah completely disrupted my weeks in the most glorious of ways. For the past year, I’ve been so focused on bringing this new life forward, and this focus had its own kind of stabilization.
But now, that has shifted and I’m finding myself unmoored by the free space. I definitely can’t go back to the way things were - too much has changed for that to make sense - and I haven’t yet figured out my new way of being in business, in relationships and in myself right now.
Even further, I don’t feel like I quite have the energy to figure out new system just yet.
So, what’s a new mother to do? Well, I think the answer, as the answer often tends to be with me, is self-care. I’ve been going to acupuncture, paying bills, getting my nails done, attending support group meetings, having breakfast with a friend.
None of it is revolutionary, but this kind of self-care is necessary for me to rebuild my reserves. It’s only from a full well that I can chart the new course forward.
To my ego, who always wants it already figured out, this is frustrating. But to my spirit, who is hungry for a new adventure, this is a most excellent opportunity for personal evolution.
So, day by day, I’ll work with the full days and the empty spaces with bits of patience and care. From there, I trust I’ll live my way into this tender next stage of being.