In celebration of my new book, Selfcarefully, I’m sharing five of my favorite sections. I hope this opening essay in the book helps you to see you are not alone in feeling like you’ve fucked up your self-care, again, and that these moments of messy confusion are the most generative of spaces to get to know yourself.
If this message of self-care rather than self-improvement resonates with you, please preorder your copy of Selfcarefully by contributing to our crowdfunding campaign.
Thanks for reading and I’ll look forward to sharing the next section soon!
Self-Care and Fucking it All Up
There comes a moment in every self-care journey when it's easy to feel like you’ve fucked it all up. How do I know this? Well, I’ve watched a lot of women—including myself—go through these moments.
The pattern goes like this: I work hard and gain some positive momentum. I feel pretty great, and my mind is full of possibility. Then, I have a bad day. The negative voice in my head starts in on me, and nothing I do is good enough. When I get home, I’m crabby with my partner and I just want to numb out in front of the TV. The next morning, I hit "snooze" again and again. Groggy and emotionally hung-over, I tell myself I've messed it all up. Perhaps I’m just not capable of change.
I want you to know that it’s normal to have these digressive moments. We all have them and we will all continue to have them. However, these moments are not a sign that we can’t grow. Rather, they show that we are growing. Our over-stimulated nervous systems get freaked out by change and decide to slam on the brakes by telling us—over and over—to hit “snooze” or watch another episode or do whatever makes you feel like you’ve fucked it all up.
When we fuck up, we don’t have to give up. To restart our self-care, we only need to recognize what’s happening. As we do, we can speak gently to ourselves. We can ask for support from our loved ones. We can pivot back to ourselves and realize that we are allowed to mess up, because we have the tools to care for ourselves, even on our worst days (when we probably need the most care). Practicing resilience during these times of supposed defeat is rarely glamorous. However, learning to care for yourself, no matter how broken you may feel, is essential for navigating the rocky moment of growth, many of which are still ahead.