I went away to lead the Self Care 101 retreat this weekend (17 brave women diving in + this beautiful old mansion in the woods + really incredible food = magic beyond words).
I lead a few of these retreats a year and felt like I had them down to a science. But this time I also had Jonah. After going back and forth in my head, I decided to bring him. I knew I wasn’t ready to be apart for four days.
However, I didn’t know what kind of leader I could be while caretaking for him. Or worse, what if his presence offended a client? Was this professional? Would I exhaust myself? So many questions! I really just had to trust my decision and move forward into the weekend.
The first night of the retreat, I opened up to the group about my fears. Being the incredible community that they are, they responded with so much support. They took over some of the responsibilities and held Jonah when it was time for me to teach. The whole thing felt like a dreamy utopia!
At the end, I received the feedback that Jonah’s presence (along with another dear baby that a client brought), was healing. We had all ends of spectrum around motherhood present, but it didn’t feel like there was a value judgement attached to being a mother. We were just a group of women, grappling with big life choices and supporting each other to trust ourselves.
As we left, I was tired, but I also felt fortified. I took a risk because it felt right. Instead of trying to hide it, I brought it to the group and found support. We leaned into each other. We all learned something new. The magic continues.