Happy spring! This is my tarot reading from yesterday, which told me I had enough space to get back on social media this week.
My rules for posting are: 1) treat it as a practice and try to do it about once a week, 2) be kind to myself if I don’t respond to ever comment (although I cherish them all!), 3) only share what I have processed enough in myself first.
Well, last week was definitely not one of those times. It was a really hard few days for me where I had to read the writing on the wall about what was no longer working in my life. As I began to accept that I needed to make some changes, I was overwhelmed by fear.
Omg, fear is so scary! I felt paralyzed by it and just wanted to hide. All of my old triggers - abandonment, scarcity, feeling like an imposter - descended upon me. At first I tried to fight them off, but then I realized I just had to stay down in it and cry and rage and grieve.
On Wednesday, while talking to some friends, I really broke down. I didn’t even feel like I had to energy to pretend I was ok. I felt so naked and raw when we hung up. But then, the next morning, I woke up in a different headspace. I laid out a self-care plan and have been really disciplined about following through with it.
The result? I feel much better and I have a ton of clarity about what needs to happen next. Yes, I’m still totally scared, but I see now that I can just recognize the fear, practice self-care and keep on going. My life will just keep flowing from there.
This is all so aligned because I’m actually leading a free call this Saturday about how to unstick your life with self-care (sign up on my website, link in the comments). I’m learning that I better be careful about what I endeavor because my life tends to hold me to it and teach me so many lessons.
However, I’m always so grateful for the release on the other side of the hard stuff. To me, this is the truest self-care - really such a gift - although I may need to be reminded of it again and again during those hard moments.