I made the decision to tidy my clothes after reading the book “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo. She’s a Japanese master of tidying. Her goal for us all is to live in an uncluttered environment where we are surrounded by objects that spark joy in our hearts. Her theory is that when we become accustomed to living only around beautiful, joyful things, we can’t help but change our lives to match this high vibration. This means leaving the crappy job or the painful relationship or finally losing those 10 extra pounds. She says she’s often seen clients completely change their lives and that no one defaults back into clutter after a complete tidying. The identity shifts is too strong to ever go back.
If you want to achieve this state, Marie advises that you lay all of your items from a certain category (clothes, books, papers, mementos, etc) in one room. Once they’ve been assembled you hold each one in your hands and ask yourself if it brings you true joy. If it does it can stay, if it doesn’t you have to let it go. When you are letting something go, you can thank it for doing it’s job--sometimes the job is just teaching you more about what you do really want--and honor all the associated memories. Then you let go, again and again and again.
Obviously I was intrigued after reading about the magical results from this method. I am doing a light spring cleanse (no dairy, caffeine, booze, sugar with lots of plants and cooked grains) and I always enjoy a deep clean of the house when I’m doing the same thing in my body. Falling asleep on Friday night, I was excited to begin and see where the results would lead. As you all know, I love the practice of transformation and this method felt really different than anything I’d heard.
On Saturday I woke up nervous. I was nervous as I took all the clothes out of my closet and laid them out on the bed and the floor and even on Poncho’s bed. At this point Poncho got nervous too and hid out in the kitchen. I sat down to begin the sorting process and promptly burst into tears. A huge wave of fear washed over me. I was afraid of making the wrong choice and that I would have to give away something that I cared about or would keep something that didn’t really make me happy. I was afraid I would offend someone by giving away a gift. Mostly, I was afraid that I wouldn’t feel anything as I clutched my clothes to my chest.
Within the emotion, I knew I was experiencing resistance. From the work I’ve done transforming and helping other people to transform, I now know how to recognize resistance as fear. Resistance comes from the part of ourselves that would rather stay stuck and safe than to grow into awesome but unknown territory. Resistance looks like anger sometimes, excuses others, and definitely houses our compulsive, self-destructive habits. The greater the resistance, the more potential is present to launch you into real change. Now when I experience strong resistance, I get excited because I know there is something really good waiting for me on the other side of the emotion. This gives me the energy I need to push forward when most of me wants to turn back.
So through my tears, I began clutching my shirts to my chest. Right away, I felt things, something different with each item. My newly thrifted white sweater made me light up from the inside. I smiled huge as I held a plaid button-down with shiny snaps from my friend Justin. I sighed relief as I realized I still loved a long knit sweater from Anthropologie that I bought with my mom.
When I held other items, it felt like different. Sometimes ok but nothing close to joy. This difference in emotion told me that it was time to let go. Some things were easy to let go of, like the red flannel shirt from the North Carolina outlet mall that always felt too short. I thanked it for being part of my fun beach weekend with my best girlfriends and tossed it into the bag. There was also a navy sweater from my grandmother that I hadn’t worn once in two years. I felt her spirit say ok, no problem and I added it to the pile as I smiled to her memory.
I held the one of the two pairs of my dad’s flannel pajamas that I took from his hospital room on the night he died. I cried like a baby yet still felt joy in my heart. I held the other pair and felt nothing. Keeping one of them felt like a joyful choice within a sad memory. Discarding the other felt right too.
So it went like that. Through my resistance, I piled up five trash bags of clothes, shoes and accessories. The amount of emotion I felt as I did this really surprised me. After a while realized that I was not just letting go of objects, but I was letting go of a network of memories that held big pieces of my identity. All of those pieces were at one time important but only some of them held the energy I needed to move forward into my most powerful self. Holding onto the others was only holding me back.
It occurs to me that this process is so familiar because it’s my job. Instead of objects, I help people clear away outdated habits in a group coaching setting. We take 10 weeks and work through 10 habits to promote better digestion, better sleep, better care of our bodies. Along the way, a lot of resistance comes up. We look at resistance as a group and together find the strength we need to let go of what no longer serves us. Although the process is physical, it’s quickly becomes clear that it’s much more spiritual than anything. By letting go of our destructive habits on the physical level, we heal the deeply-rooted emotions that cause us to self-sabotage. Once we look down into the roots, it’s honestly not that hard to change and emerge as our most joyful and centered selves. It’s such a cool, effective process and I love it more than I can express in words.
By lunchtime on Saturday, the bags of clothes were all properly thanked and stored in my car. My closet now feels like a sanctuary filled with objects of beauty unique to my own soul. I keep peeking inside my drawers to admire my neat lines of folded t-shirts and leggings. I do feel more joyful and lighter from the inside, like a new level of some goodness has opened up for me. It feels great.
On Sunday I spent a nice day with someone I had been dating. It was good connection in many ways but something in my heart didn’t feel quite settled. In the past, I would have ignored this and hoped that time would make things better. Then it occurred to me that I could see for myself whether it was time to let go. Again the resistance came up and again I knew it would be powerful to take a good look from the inside. As we were saying goodbye, I hugged him, felt into my heart and realized the truth that our time together was not bringing me true joy. So I let go. It wasn’t graceful but it was right. As I drove home, I felt a such a confidence in life itself. Everything comes, stays and eventually serves its purpose. Understanding this brings me such a confidence in myself. It’s not that I can spare myself from the pain of letting go, but I now know that I have a solid system for deciding what to keep and what to release. More than that I know now that I can really trust the wisdom of my heart, the true wisdom of joy to guide me where I need to go.
Thank you all for replying to my blog post topic poll last week! It’s fun for me to hear from so many of you on what you’re thinking and feeling. The big winner was--ALL OF THEM! Well, there were a few more votes for topic #3 on Agni and sugar cravings so I am doing that one first. Look for topics #1 (how to disappoint someone with love) and #2 (what to do with your heart full of desire) in the coming weeks. So without further ado, let’s talk about Agni!
Let’s start with Easter dinner a couple of weeks ago. Let’s start by saying that I ate too much during said Easter dinner. It was particularly interesting scene because I ate too much during a 4pm Easter dinner in a Kurdish restaurant in an almost-suburb of Nashville, with my best friend from the Peace Corps seated across from me.
Over the past year we had both lost our parents in a timeline that felt too quick to be fair. The only way we could find to confront the inherent shittiness of certain parts of life was to spend Easter together. Between meals and cruising around and a decent outing on the downtown strip, little bits of conversation would pour forth in the space between us. We talked about the the things we regretted saying to our parents, honest conversations we still really wished for, and all those funny little memories that stick to the insides of your ears and eyelids. They were the kind of conversations that took a pressure-less weekend to unfold and where nothing at all got resolved. It just felt good to say it all out loud to a person who could understand.
During this weekend I was also preparing a presentation on the Ayurvedic concepts of digestion--called Agni in sanskrit--for my continuity program. According to Ayurveda, paying attention to your digestion is the single most important way to take care of your health. This is because in Ayurveda our physical, belly-centered digestion is completely linked to our mental, emotional and spiritual digestions. If we aren’t paying attention to what we are putting in our bellies, it’s probably going to show up as unexplained anxiety or a bad attitude or general stuckness in life.
You may wonder how you can respect your Agni more. Can you handle it if I give you the least sexy advice ever? The secret to great Agni is that you have to eat with awareness. More specifically you have to wait to eat until you are truly hungry, nourish yourself mindfully, and then stop when you are full. Extra bonus points if you can do this on a set schedule, not skip meals, and eat a lot of plants, good fats and healthy proteins.
I know this sounds so simple. It is and it isn’t. Every part of that brings up so much fear and resistance in me. I get anxious wondering if I am really hungry (tip--if you aren’t sure then you probably aren’t), think of my to-do list instead of being present while I eat, and then push those last few bites of food into my mouth even though I know I am full.
Which brings us back to Easter. I sat down the meal hungry and ready to be nourished. We split plates of grilled eggplant dip, juicy chicken kabobs and some of the best falafel I’ve had in a while. At a point my body let me know know I was totally full. Sitting with this knowledge, I made the decision to order rosewater saffron ice cream. I love this particular kind of ice cream but there was something deeper than that that made me order it. For me, there’s so much wrapped up in ice cream. It’s what my dad brought me when I was sick, what got served up to us after summertime play in my grandparents pool, what I ate to comfort myself after a hard day at school. For me, food is always way more than food.
I felt good to eat it and so I did. I ate until the bowl was gone and of course regretted it. I went from feeling clear and open to conversation to pretty checked out. There is such a unique fuzzy headspace that come when I numb out with food. It makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide from all that life shittiness. It was what I did when my parents got divorced when I was five and I felt alone and what I did when my college boyfriend and I broke up and my self-esteem plummeted. It’s a familiar pattern and increasingly ineffective. I missed my dad in that moment and the ice cream took the edge off.
My upset stomach and my fuzzy headspace went away eventually. Luckily what has stayed is my respect for my Agni. Looking back at my life, I see that every coherent period of work/life/social balance comes when I am not eating emotionally. It also comes when I am not using alcohol or relationships destructively and when I am journaling and doing yoga and making art and all the other things that make me feel like me.
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve made the decision to stop eating when I am full and skip the dessert at the end of the meal. (I got really into desserts again when my dad passed--no big surprise). Honestly, it hasn’t been that hard. I’m craving a good relationship with my Agni way more than a bowl of ice cream. What has been hard is dealing with the sadness and loneliness that I’ve been tamping down with food. It’s a lot of sadness about my dad and probably a lot of other emotions that go back way longer than that. It’s uncomfortable but since I know how to practice, I practice being with it. I breath and journal and cry and watch it transform. I feel love for all of it and then it returns in another harsh wave and I practice again. I’m not sure if it’s a constant companion but I’m open to that. I feel alive and in touch with a vital pulse within my chest that isn’t there when I eat emotionally. I’ll take it because it feels real and clear.
You know what? I love that eat emotionally. I love it because I don’t think I was strong enough to deal with these feelings until that weekend in Nashville when I was so deeply bolstered by shared experience with my friend. All of those desserts this winter kept my feeling intensity at a level three. This helped me go through the motions of daily life and get through the first part of my grief. It’s so wise and interesting to me that a part of me knew how to do this.
I see compulsive behavior as covering up something deeper and being compulsive is like putting on the emotional breaks until we are strong enough to face that something. I don’t think we should use this as an excuse not to get stronger. We can and should get stronger because that is why we are here. But understanding this about ourselves can stop us from beating up on ourselves when we do eat the bowl of ice cream or drink too much or go back again to that relationship we know isn’t right.
When I was younger, even when I first started teaching yoga, I thought that self-improvement was a straight line. We could progress and build upon our progression and finally get to the top. I’m not sure what was supposed to happen there but it felt appealing. Now I see it all as wildness and shadows. Life doesn’t want a straight line. It wants our deepest emotions to smoulder and rise up in perfect formation so we can’t look away from them. It asks us to choose them. When we choose them then we get to let go for real. Choosing them, letting go isn’t a thought in our head. It’s a place of feeling in our bodies. It’s wrapped in silence down in the hollows. It sings with the truth that there is nothing about ourselves or this whole beautiful shitty world of life and death that isn’t fit for our love. I’ll take that over anything.
Last weekend, despite the slicks of freezing rain, I had the most magical getaway. Eighteen ladies who just graduated from my last course--Balanced & Beautiful--retreated to the fields of West Virginia to celebrate the completion of a powerful ten week journey. Our retreat center was simple--good heating in the bedrooms, a big practice space with shiny wood floors and lunches of stuffed peppers and guacamole. (Also we got to hang out under a 400 year old grandma oak tree--see above photo)
So what do so many ladies do on retreat? Well, we meditated in the early morning, sweated during vinyasa flow yoga, and spent an afternoon making vision boards (a personal collage of cut-up magazine images to represent where we want to go in our lives).
And we spent a lot of time processing all the ways we’ve grown during our time together. We talked about these changes in the opening circle, kept it going on crunchy walks through the snow and went deeper while lingering over one more cup of tea after our dinner. A lot had changed for each of us which meant we needed a lot of conversation to process.
One theme that kept coming up was forgiveness. Many of these ladies said that practicing better health habits in a supportive group had given them the awareness and strength to finally forgive themselves for all the achy wrongs of the pasts they been carrying deep inside. These shadows were effecting their marriages, work, and mostly their self-esteem. They knew something needed to change but they weren't sure what. They took a risk, signed up for this course and their hearts opened up in a new way. Armed with self forgiveness, life changed quickly. These ladies are repairing their marriages, restarting their PHDs, finally saying yes to motherhood, and experiencing deep bouts of gratitude after years of fogginess.
This forgiveness thing honestly was a surprise for me. I teach a group of dynamic women how to improve their health based on yogic and ayurvedic principles. We use self awareness and habit change science to practice these habits in a highly-supportive environment. From my own experience, I know this process creates the space for authentic inner and outer change. I expected people to lose weight, sleep deeper, feel better about themselves and make some great new friends.
But forgiveness? That’s really big. With forgiveness everything changes.
So many people stay angry and blocked their entire lives because they can’t bear the pain of letting go that comes from forgiveness. It’s one of the most threatening things to our egos. We hold onto our stories that keep us small and trapped because it feels oddly safe. We yearn for things to change but won’t budge our deepest attitudes. So many great spiritual leaders talk about forgiveness because they know if you want to change your life, you must start with forgiveness.
On the retreat I wanted to know more. I wanted to know how forgiveness arises out of going to bed earlier and meditating in the mornings. The answer that kept coming up was self awareness. I asked these ladies to start paying attention to how they actually felt. It turns out that the same self awareness we use to know where we are getting stuck in our body also shows us the sticky parts of our souls. Once we see it and have the tools to change it, I don’t think we can really stay stuck anymore.
One of the retreat participants said she realized that if she could forgive herself she could forgive anyone. Isn’t that so deeply profound? She was the same one who said she was finally ready to be a mother. Don’t you want someone like that to have kids? I really really do.
Hearing their stories made me remember that forgiveness is a practice. We forgive when we notice we are fighting with life and realize the futility of that battle because life is as it is. We forgive when drop the battle to make ourselves or someone else perfect. Forgiveness is a step back that says, I kinda really love you exactly as you are, warts and all. We forgive when we think we know the best plan and then get humbled but a much richer, truer plan. We lose our clever words, quick defenses, anything but the ability to say "thank you."
I don't know about you all but I have to practice this superpower of forgiveness on a daily basis. If I think I have moved past having to practice forgiveness then I probably need it more than ever.
You see, that shitty voice in your head loves it when you stuff down your sadness, anger and regret. It oddly makes us feel special. But what I've learned is that many of us think our suffering is unique but it really isn't. Our suffering, though necessary for growth, is the most boring part of any of us because it all looks the same. "I was wronged," "My mother didn't help me," "He's selfish," blah blah blah. Isn't it boring when someone goes into all that? Sometimes I even bore myself with my victim mentality.
However, what is on the other side of suffering, what stays blocked when we can't forgive, is our brightest truest self. It's our dreams, our possibility, our capacity for connection. I believe this is the most interesting part of us all. My view is that we all deeply yearn to live out what is on the other side of staying stuck but most of us don't let ourselves. We put other people's needs, financial anxiety, and professional success at all costs in between us and our glory. It would be one thing if we could make it go away by shutting the door but it doesn't work that way. Our unlived, beautiful life will always beckon to us, shining light into all the cracks until the tension gets to be too much. We change or we crack deeper.
Perhaps the discontent we build while staying stuck actually becomes the energy we need to someday catapult ourselves forward. In Chinese medicine, the energy of late winter into spring is the energy of anger. Only with that jolt can the buds burst forth and sprouts shoot up. I like this view because it means everything in good time. We can even forgive ourselves for staying stuck, because we didn't have what we needed in that moment to move forward.
But when you are ready, oh my. It's glorious and scary all in one to forgive, let go, and go flying into a new vision of reality. I've done it myself quiet a few times and now I get to facilitate others through the process. The process has taken me a long time and it's amazing that my lived knowledge makes it quicker and easier for others. Hurray! I carry that with me and despite all that is left undone in this world, I still feel like the luckiest of ducks most days. This gives me a quiet kind of smile as I dramatically trudge through these last soppy days of winter.
Listen to this hour-long free talk I gave on real self care and why we don't do what we know is good for us. It will call you out on a few of your excuses and teach you tangible ways to move through them. I know an hour is a long time investment but listening to this talk and practicing what you learn will help you to create more time in your life. When we don't take the time to change, nothing will change. That is reality.
Write me at email@example.com and let me know where you get stuck in your own self care. I'll get back to you and help you move through your blocks so you can begin enjoying your beautiful life.
Hi everyone, I’m so inspired by the response to last week’s video series, What Gets in the Way of Your Self Care. You guys have stellar self-awareness and a collective great sense of humor. I’m also comforted because it means that I am not the only one with a shitty voice in my head or destabilizing FOMO (fear of missing out). It’s a funny thing to call myself a self care expert. It makes the shitty voice in my head say that if I really understood self care then I wouldn’t check my email first thing in the morning or watch Downton Abby some nights right before sleeping (blue screen light and sleep...eeek). If I was an expert, I wouldn’t take second helpings when I’m more emotionally than physically hungry or get anxious about what I’m doing next Saturday night. But I do! Oh do I. A man I teach outreach yoga to on Wednesday mornings is obsessed with being an expert. He wears a name tag that says “DC EXPERT” and only agreed to do yoga with me when I promised I was an expert as well. He is full of human flaws and I find his willingness to own his strengths very refreshing in our false modesty society. So for this guy, I’m going to say that I am a SELF CARE EXPERT and I still struggle to find the right balance of self care. For me, the hardest thing about self care is that I am a constantly changing being and my self care needs to keep up with that evolution. I love investing in myself and now understand that with every investment, I evolve into a 2.0 version of myself. With each uplevel of my communication skills, my work mission, my self-confidence, I need to also upgrade my habits. For example, I used to eat dinner at 6:30pm and now I eat by 5pm. I sleep better when I do and I need the deep recharge of sleep now more than ever. I used to enjoy a glass of wine a few times a week and now one glass makes me uncomfortably foggy. I’m actually losing my desire to drink which I never thought possible (although I still do love half of a hoppy IPA). Oh and the low level of anxiety I used to live with now feels deeply uncomfortable to my nervous system although it still likes to visit me from time to time. Habits that worked beautifully last year aren’t cutting it now. This means throwing perfectionism out the window and declaring there isn’t a magic formula, just the daily, beautiful grind of self-awareness matched with inspired action. This means feeling great some days and off others and learning from that constant humility. Do you want to hear my big ole theory on why this is? I believe in universal energy--called prana in the yoga world--and that this big, bold energy REALLY wants to live through us and evolve through us. I feel this energy when I am teaching a yoga class and know exactly what needs to be said without much thought. Or when a blog post suddenly opens up and ideas much wiser than me pour forth (like right in this moment). Others experience this when they play the piano or teach children or say the names of trees under their breath. It’s genius at work and it makes us stop in awe when we get the scent of it. We may think we get excited about the producers of the work but I think we really worship this big energy that makes us remember our connection to the larger whole. How does this relate to self care? Like I mentioned, this energy is powerful and has to run through our systems. I think we are all desperate for that feeling and terribly afraid of it. If we are sensitive--which creative people are--it can all feel overwhelming, especially when we don’t pay attention to our evolving our self care. We numb ourselves with bad habits so we don’t have to feel so much. It causes us to shrink back when we want to step forward and to live our life in a state of mild to extreme anxiety. Think of so many famous, brilliant people who hurt themselves because they can’t match their self care practices to their growing success. Many of my outreach yoga students are terrifically energetic and don’t practice the healthy boundaries of self care. This makes for a hard life. So one more time, I’ll take the expert role and say the opposite is also true. When we practice self care and keep our systems running cleanly, then that energy can really move. It’s like anything electrical--we get the wiring right and bam, we have light! Let’s say there is something really great you want to achieve in your life and you are confused and kinda miserable because you still haven’t done it. My advice is to forget about that thing for a while. Instead focus on building great self care habits and practicing them until you have a solid routine. Get scientific and impersonal about it and notice what makes you feel wired together correctly and how that can evolve. Make studying and practicing self care your way of life. Once that happens then the genius stuff is easy, natural and I’ll even say, unavoidable. It’s exciting and scary to think about it in this way right? Writing it down makes me feel so in awe of our capacity to do amazing work in this world. We don’t have to make it up, we just have to harness the energy of life through our delicately loved systems and stay grounded through the ride. With the right self care, maybe we even get to enjoy it.
My friend and fellow teacher Kelly recently gave me a sweet shout out in her great yoga newsletter asking if I would share my morning routine. It’s funny to me that I’m getting known for teaching people how to upgrade their mornings. When I was a kid I remember wanting to throw my pillow at my mom when she would throw open the blinds. In my past relationship I was the sleepy one who needed to be coaxed out of bed with a cup of coffee.
So how did I become a morning person?
First, I started eating an earlier lighter dinner. This is a huge teaching in Ayurveda. Basically we have no digestive power after the sun goes down and if we cram in a bunch of latenight calories then we are going to sleep like crap and wake up feeling like our head is full of sand. This teaching made a lot of sense to me so I decide to make dinner by 6pm a priority, which meant skip the 8pm glass of wine or ice cream for dessert.
Suddenly a 10pm bedtime didn’t feel so hard. I began waking up earlier, ready to live another day. Also, I lost over 20lbs and my eyes got a lot brighter and I stopped feeling anxious all of the time. Eating earlier and lighter is a hard habit to ground in our dinner-friendly culture but give it a try if you want to see real results.
The second thing is that I finally started to face my FOMO. I’ve written about this in other articles but for a long time in my life I squeezed as much into my weekly schedule as possible. On some level, I thought if I said yes to everything that was offered to me I would save myself from feelings of alienation and loneliness. Guess what? It didn’t work. It only put a weird kind of plastic wrap over those feelings and the over-extension left me tired and disconnected.
Now I spent most weekday evenings--the ones when I don’t teach--at home, hanging with Poncho and writing in my journal and reading so many good books. The feelings of loneliness show up sometimes. They tell me that I should be out and that I’m missing out on my real life. I acknowledge their presence but the more I listen to them, the less I believe. I’m alive and vital and need time to rest. So I ask the lonely feelings what kind of tea they want--chamomile or sweet rose? They choose the rose usually and settle into bed next to me. Being ferocious takes a lot of work and when offered they welcome the rest too.
With those two things cleared up, the morning part is easy. This is how it usually goes…
5:45am My alarm goes off if I am not already awake. I stumble to the kitchen, put on a kettle of water and crawl back into bed (the best snooze button ever). Poncho is still asleep.
5:53am Kettle whistles. I jump up to turn it out off. Then I scrape my tongue, do a forward fold, scan my email from my phone, read a page in the awesome daily reader my friend Justin gifted me for 2015. I drink hot water from a quart jar until I am ready to poop.
6:05am I poop and appreciate that my body has learned this habit so nicely.
6:10am Brush teeth, wash face, spritz on rose water, massage jojoba oil into my skin, snort nasaya oil.
6:15am Meditate, feel the big and small of the universe and my place in it (in the present moment). Then breath work--alternate nostril breathing and breath of fire. Poncho is still asleep but starting to rouse himself.
6:30am Exercise! Sometimes yoga where I fire up Spotify, start with sun salutations and then see where it takes me. Sometimes jogging with the dog and then stretching in my kitchen while I make breakfast.
7am Light breakfast while I listen to NPR. Lately I’ve been making myself a hot chocolate with cocoa from my Guatemala trip and turmeric and cayenne and cream and maple syrup. Note, make sure you vitamix your hot chocolate if you want it to be frothy and the most delicious ever.
7:15am Feed Poncho. He’s grateful, I think. Then shower and do a quick massage with sesame oil + whatever essential oils I’m feeling (right now it’s jasmine and vanilla). I put on something cute, blow-dry my hair, and apply a little sparkly eyeshadow.
7:30am Get online and start my work day! I’m usually in a great mood by this point so the exclamation point is warranted.
And that’s it. But please understand this doesn’t happen every day. On Tuesdays I call my mom at 7am and take Poncho for a long walk around the Basilica. On Thursdays I meet my friend Erin for 6:30am yoga and chai tea after. On Fridays I give myself an oil massage, water all of my plants and then head to a meditation group.
But while it’s not perfect I do have a daily and weekly structure to my mornings that gives me energy. I replicate it the best I can when I travel and modify it when I have house guests. When I compromise it too much I notice. I begin losing my sense of control over time and start feeling like I have to prove myself to the world, which drains out more energy.
I’ve been working little by little to have a better morning routine over the past couple of years so please don’t fret if yours is more like Poncho’s or if you just want to throw a shoe at your alarm clock. You can always try eating earlier, lighter dinners for a week and notice how your mornings might get easier. Or play with a little light exercise before breakfast and check in with your mood. Something tells me it'll be better than with no exercise.
Remember that small and consistent changes are effective. Remember that time is more elastic than we think (thanks Einstein!) and that if we take charge of it right away, the quality of our days will shift. Remember that you are worth taking care of from the moment you wake until the minute you fall asleep. If you ever doubt this then just imagine me and Poncho offering you a cup of tea, throwing open the blinds, and nodding our heads with the trueness of it all.
Where you are you stuck in your morning routine? Maybe I can offer some advice. Let me know!
The most essential and basic teaching of Ayurveda is that you should live in a balanced state. You can tell if you are balanced by how you feel. If you feel energetic, rested, enthusiastic and of purpose in this world, then you are probably in balance. If you are dragging, achy, anxious, heavy, or just down on yourself, then you are out of balance. I like this because it’s not terribly personally--just a matter of paying attention and collecting facts. If you are out of balance--and many of us are due to the imbalance nature of our culture--then you have a choice. You can put yourself back into balance by making healthier decisions or you can let the imbalance get worse. If it gets worse then it becomes harder and harder to treat. Finally you can reach a point where it’s untreatable and the body shuts down. I recently watched my dad go through that process and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.
The tricky nature of imbalance is that when we go out of whack, we usually begin to crave things that cause us to go further off track. Think of all your stressed out friends who say yes to one more thing. Think of your family members who are depressed and spend their time sedentary in front of the TV. If you aren’t careful the imbalance will suck you in and make things worse. This is why self awareness is so important. Witnessing ourselves and our patterns without judgement is the main tool for change as we are taught in yoga. It’s quite simple yet considering it’s been passed on for 5,000 years, I would say it’s also effective.
This conversation is important to me because I’ve been really craving baked goods this week. This isn’t too out of character for me because I’ve always liked the sugary taste. Growing up, I loved eating donuts at my dad’s house on Sunday mornings and my mom’s renowned peach cobbler during the summer months. Since cleaning up my diet in the past year, I've stopped keeping baked goods in my house and rarely buy them why I go out. I notice the intense rush of cheap sugar gives me a little acid reflux and puts my digestion out of balance.
Ayurvedically speaking, the sweet taste is grounding and something we should use when we feel disconnected in some way, in moderation. Too much will burn out our energy and drag us down into a foggy state of body and mind. I like this about Ayurveda. It never tells us that something is good or bad but rather it gives it’s qualities and then we get to decide how to use them. It’s a reminder that everything can be either a weapon or a tool, depending on how we use it.
I suppose I’ve needed to ground in these weeks after my father’s passing. As much as I can, I’m taking good care of myself. Simple, nourishing food + deep sleep + early morning meditation is a pretty good formula for me to stay balanced during a hard time. I’ve added in some healing bodywork this week and hope to do more when I travel to Guatemala at the end of the month.
But still, there is this desire for a big rush of sugar, this need to imbalance further. I see the cookie at my favorite tea house and I want it deeply. I know enough to know that my body doesn’t really want it. When I have true bodily hunger, I crave high-nutrient vegetables and good fat. Hunger for emptier calories always comes from the more emotional parts of myself. It’s me as a seven year old eating a donut on a Sunday morning with my dad or bowl of peach cobbler as I sit tucked into my family table. It’s the feeling of being safe and connected in the world--such a primal thing.
Yet knowing this doesn’t stop the cravings from coming. As we all know, when cravings are present they’re pretty loud. My whole body starts tenses as I make this decision. It’s an option to buy the cookie and eat it in my car. This is how I eat when I don’t really want to admit what I'm doing. I barely pay attention to the taste and feel like it’s something I need to keep hidden. After I’ll get angry at myself and swear that I will never do it again (until the next time). I’ve done that plenty and know how that story goes.
I know I can use my self awareness here so I take a breath and weigh my options. Denying myself the cookie will leave me feeling wanting and restless. This causes it’s own type of imbalance. I decide to buy the cookie, looking the sweet guy behind register directly in the eye. I put the paper-wrapped bundle in my purse and go home. I eat it after lunch--which is a baked sweet potato topped with good butter, sunflower seeds, homemade sauerkraut and sprouts. I put half of this much-considered salty oat cookie on a nice plate. I take a deep breath and a few bites. Of course it’s good but it's just a cookie. I eat it and miss my dad and feel overwhelmed. I eat it and feel like someone who is really learning how to take care of herself. I eat it and know he would be happy to see me keeping my balance.